The number one fall focus of Causeway’s therapeutic mentors and family therapists is helping parents navigate their concerns and expectations when their son starts college. The antidote? It might be simpler than you think. We’ll tell you how!

Nurturing Connection Without Overstepping

The start of school with all of September’s unknowns can be a nerve-wracking time for parents of college freshmen:

Will he go to class?

Can he maintain his own schedule?

Are we wasting what we’ve saved for college?

Is our son happy?

Worry is natural. The key is managing it effectively. 

The number one fall focus of Causeway’s therapeutic mentors and family therapists is helping parents navigate their concerns and expectations during the sea of change that occurs when your son starts college. The antidote? Establishing a weekly check-in.

A healthy communication routine can be a powerful tool to maintain connection while fostering independence. Here’s Causeway’s MassComm 101 on how we advise parents to strike the right balance.

Set The Stage for Success

Begin by agreeing on a regular time for weekly calls. Rather than sending sporadic text messages throughout the week that might go unanswered, our mentors have found that Sundays work well for many families (especially before 1 p.m. football kickoffs). The consistency creates a comforting routine for everyone.

Embrace Curiosity, Not Control

Your son has all the control when you communicate from afar, whether through phone calls or Zoom. Why? When he hangs up, he can either dive into his responsibilities or decide to relax. Since you can’t control his actions directly, the best approach is to be genuinely curious and positive. 

Here’s a metric for you: 

The 5:1 Positivity Ratio

Aim to share five positive thoughts, reminders, or affirmations for your every concern. This approach creates a safe space for open communication and lets you gauge how he’s adapting to college life. (Pro tip: For some guys, hearing, “I’m proud of how you’re handling this new chapter,” or “What’s been the best part of your week so far?” can go a long way.)

Keep It Light and Real

Avoid criticism—constructive or otherwise—even if you think you’re 100 percent right about something. Questions should feel more like gentle nudges than interrogations and should be ones he can’t answer with a simple “yes” or “no.” Consider, “What’s your favorite class so far?” or “How are you finding the workload?”

Ask the Right Questions

On the days your son feels chatty, ask easy-to-answer but specific questions that can help you gauge his engagement and overall well being without seeming pushy. Good ones to try are:

How are you enjoying your classes?

Tell me about your favorite (or least favorite) professors?

How long does it take to walk to your furthest class?

What’s something you’re really enjoying lately?

Be Aware of Stress Signals

Pay attention to signs that your son might be struggling. Causeway’s mentors and family therapists have found that two telltale indicators are whether guys regularly attend classes and if they’re leaving their dorm room. These actions can reveal a lot about how he’s coping with the new environment.

Respect His Independence

Before each interaction, please ask yourself: What good will I undo if I get too involved? Remember, your goal is to foster independence and problem-solving skills while maintaining a supportive relationship.

Finding the Right Balance

It can be tricky, but your goal is to be involved but not overbearing. Causeway Collaborative’s experience shows that when parents give their sons space to solve problems independently, these young men are far more likely to develop the skills they need to thrive. Your role is to be a supportive guide, offering advice when asked, and always ready to listen. We’re here to help. Contact us to set up an appointment or click here to read more about our services for boys, young men and men.