Welcome to another insightful episode of Causeway Conversations. Today, Vince, Gina, Nicole, and John delve into a compelling discussion on the concept of “losing one’s wild” and the profound impacts it has on young men. Vince, founder and director of Causeway Collaborative, introduces the notion of the “empty generation” and explores the diminishing sense of adventure and freedom among men today.
Losing the Wild
Vince describes how modern men often lose their innate sense of adventure, or “wild,” as they age. He notes, “There’s this relinquishing of freedom, of energy, of the things that we find to be core to us being men.” This loss is not just a personal struggle but reflects broader societal changes. Vince sees this phenomenon as men losing the courage to explore, fail, and take risks, leading to a generation that feels empty and disconnected.
Adult and Youth Perspectives
Gina prompts Vince to compare how this loss manifests differently in adults and young men. Vince paints a stark picture of the typical midlife man, trapped in unsatisfying jobs and relationships, devoid of purpose and joy. He shares that many men express feeling like mere cogs in a larger machine, stripped of their personal freedoms and wild spirit.
He compares that to his sons’ mentality, saying, “Every day is an adventure. They jump on their bikes, and they don’t know where they’re going, they figure it out as they go. They throw everything they own in their backpack, and they just giddy up and go.”
Early Suppression of Wildness
John brings attention to how this suppression starts early, even on playgrounds. He observes, “The dissuasion from more aggressive play when we’re talking about males specifically… starts a lot younger.” This suppression continues into adolescence, where societal and educational pressures further stifle young men’s adventurous spirit.
Gina, reflecting on her role as a mother, shares the tension between encouraging her boys’ adventurous play and the instinct to protect them. This balance is a common parenting challenge, where fear-based parenting often leads to overly restrictive environments, stifling young men’s growth and self-discovery.
The Role of Exposure Therapy and Mentorship
Vince highlights the importance of exposure therapy in rebuilding distress tolerance among young men. By exposing them to challenging situations in a controlled manner, they learn to navigate real-world stressors more effectively. He shares a touching story of a young boy naturally seeking mentorship and leadership from older peers, illustrating the innate human need for guidance and support.
John emphasizes the need for young men to transfer their virtual accomplishments into real-world achievements. He notes, “You’re this big strong character in a video game… without the connection to doing awesome shit in the real world. You could do that. You just got to take control of it.”
Parental Responsibility and Guidance
Nicole stresses the importance of emotional validation and parental responsibility in fostering a healthy environment for young men. She recounts an instance where a parent’s acknowledgment of their child’s emotions led to immediate calm, underscoring the power of validation over criticism.
Vince advises parents to embody the traits they wish to see in their children, stating, “Provision isn’t a substitute for presence.” This embodiment includes maintaining a balance between work and personal life, engaging in activities that rejuvenate their own wild spirit, and serving as positive role models for their children.
Practical Advice for Parents and Young Men
The team wraps up with practical advice. Nicole encourages parents to rediscover their own sense of wild by defining what it means to them and reflecting on where it was lost. John suggests finding a supportive community or tribe that aligns with their aspirations. Vince adds the importance of physical activities and mentorship, both for personal fulfillment and as a way to guide younger generations.
This episode of Causeway Conversations offers profound insights into the importance of maintaining one’s wild spirit. It highlights the need for exposure therapy, emotional validation, and mentorship in fostering resilience and self-discovery among young men. By addressing these challenges head-on, parents and mentors can help young men navigate the complexities of modern life with courage and adventure.