Clinician Spotlight: Heather Waxman, LMFT

For Causeway’s Heather Waxman, home was a beginning, a breakdown, and ultimately, the breakthrough.

“As an only child of two very complex parents,” she says, “I was in many ways both of my parents’ therapist. I was kind of the family therapist in my family system. And while that was an unfit role for a child to play, it also, paradoxically, has fueled a lot of my life.”

Fortunately for nearly every client or family that works with her, that paradox became her purpose. When Heather later faced a difficult situation with one of her folks, her wife (who is also a licensed marriage and family therapist) offered feedback that changed everything. “It was so different from anything I had ever heard before,” she recalls. “And it worked. It was effective. That made me really curious about how I could learn more about this kind of intervention in a difficult relationship. That’s what led me to enroll in grad school.”

Heather went on to earn her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fairfield University in Connecticut, bringing with her not only a deep sense of empathy but also a belief that healing begins when we recognize our patterns and not only decide to change them but do the work to make change happen.

From Self to System

Heather’s path to therapy wasn’t linear: it evolved through her own healing and self-inquiry. “I struggled deeply with an eating disorder for a really long time,” she shares. “I thought I wanted to become a registered dietitian to work with people who had eating disorders, but I realized that being a dietitian was more about food and numbers than the mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being of the person.”

Instead, she began coaching clients on mindset, purpose, and connection, “helping people restore their sense of well-being through mindfulness and meditation,” she says. Over time, Heather saw that true transformation came from looking beyond the individual. “When you look at indigenous models of healing,” she says, “there’s mind, there’s body, there’s spirit, and there’s community. There’s always a relational piece. Most mental health professions individualize symptoms, but we’re not just individuals with dis-ease. We’re in relationship with people and systems that impact our well-being.”

That belief now forms the core of her practice, both in her private practice and at Causeway Collaborative.

A Different Kind of Balance

At Causeway, Heather thrives on autonomy, trust, and the organization’s embrace of individuality. “I’m an independent, free spirit,” she says. “I like to do things my own way, and I don’t like people telling me how to manage my time. At Causeway, I am allowed to show up and do my thing, and that’s when people do their best work.”

But what she values most is what she brings to the collective table. “Having feminine energy and a woman’s perspective—one that tends to be more nuanced and holistic—is a beautiful counterbalance to a male’s perspective, which can be more linear,” she explains. “And the way Beatrice McCullen and I conceptualize things as Causeway’s family therapists…it’s just different. We don’t see individuals as separate. We see them as relational beings. We’re always asking, ‘What’s happening between people? What boundaries exist? Are they clear, enmeshed, rigid?’ It makes for a more dynamic, holistic experience.”

Holding Space for Change

That relational lens, Heather says, changes everything. “When families come to Causeway, the young man is often seen as the ‘identified patient.’ My job is to compassionately support the family to see how everybody has created this together, not from a place of blame, but from compassionate self-accountability.”

Heather’s greatest strength is her ability to stay grounded in the mess. “I have a really big capacity for handling all kinds of uncomfortable emotions,” she says. “That makes clients feel safe with me. They get that I can handle whatever they throw my way.”

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have clear advice for the families she counsels. “Parents often tell me their kid doesn’t sleep well or eat well,” she says. “But when I ask about their own habits, it’s often the same. Don’t ask your kid to do things you’re not doing for yourself. Check yourself, model it, and walk your talk.”

Redefining Manhood, Together

Heather’s insight into gender and identity feels both compassionate and clear-eyed. “Men’s identities as we’ve known them are really shifting,” she says. “It’s hard for them. There’s a psychic pressure that happens when a collective identity is shifting like that, and most young men aren’t even aware of it.”

That’s what makes Causeway’s work so vital, she believes. “I’m grateful Causeway exists to help men navigate this particular moment in our species, where men are being asked to evolve in ways they’ve never been asked to before. Women have been standing up in relationships saying, ‘I’m not managing your emotions anymore.’ So now men are being asked to manage their own. That’s sacred work. Messy as hell…but sacred.”

Grace, Not Perfection

Whether guiding a couple toward repair or coaching women to reclaim their power in her private practice, Heather’s philosophy remains the same…especially for her Causeway families: “Replace criticism with curiosity. Model ideal behavior. Walk your talk. And don’t strive for perfection…aim for about 30 percent. Parenting and partnering aren’t about perfection. They’re about presence, practice, and a whole lot of grace.”