The school year ends, the car pulls into the driveway, the front door swings open, and just like that…your son is home.
Maybe he’s fresh off finals, exhausted and unsure. Maybe he’s fifteen and facing down a wide-open summer of Twitch and his favorite snacks. Either way, for many families, June kicks off a tricky seasonal shift: less structure, more togetherness…and a new round of questions:
What should summer look like?
What needs to get done?
And how can we avoid cycles of tension, tiptoeing, or stand–offs?
In this month’s Causeway Connection, we’ve invited Causeway Collaborative’s Chief Clinical Officer Nicole O’Brien, Ph.D, and Westport and West Hartford Directors Stephan Genovese and John-Tyler Markette to weigh in. Their best advice? Start with empathy. Then, start talking.
Don’t Dictate—Collaborate
“At this time of year, most parents are anxious about the lack of structure, or the structure that drops off as soon as school ends…whether that be high school, or when young men come home from college and the pattern and status quo of the household is often disrupted,” says Stephan Genovese, a licensed clinical counselor and director of Causeway’s Westport office.
“Parents are used to managing a productive home — and then a 19-year-old comes back who’s sleeping in, staying up late, and hanging around all day. It’s a major disruptor to their peace and sanity.”
That tension is real. But setting a rigid schedule or laying down the law from day one often backfires. Nicole O’Brien, Ph.D., Causeway’s chief clinical officer, offers a gentler, more collaborative approach.
“Especially for the age group that Stephan is talking about — young men who come home from college—I think conversations can happen between parents and young men around, ‘What do you want the summer to look like? What do we want the summer to look like? We’re all adults now living under the same roof, and that’s different than when you were 13 or 14, so let’s collaborate on how we want the summer to go.'”
The big takeaway from Nicole? Invite…don’t alienate. Young men typically receive an open conversation much better than a dictum of “here’s your schedule for the summer.”
Teens Need Structure, Too
While college students present one kind of challenge, parents of rising 9th- and 10th-graders face another: fewer opportunities for structure and independence.
It’s harder for young men under 16 to get traditional jobs, says Stephan, with positions often limited to grocery stores or parental connections that are willing to pay under the table. “So parents ask, ‘What do I do with my 15 year old so he’s not either sitting in the house all summer playing video games, or at the other end of the spectrum just socializing all summer with friends without any structure?'”
Nicole emphasizes that families can still approach this as a conversation — but with an adult lift.
“Parents may have to create the structure more precisely, and do a little extra legwork,” she says, like finding programs and coordinating or providing transportation. But it’s still worth asking your young man what he’s into. “Enter the conversation with the energy of collaboration, and figure out if they have ideas.”
The Power of Mentorship
To support families during this unstructured stretch, Causeway’s summer mentorship program offers a powerful option —especially for younger teens.
“We drop the age down to rising 9th and 10th graders,” says Stephan. “It’s just mentorship—no clinical services, no futures coaching. The goal is to support the transition into summer by helping guys and their parents build a plan.”
➡️ Pro Tip: You can learn more about Causeway’s Summer Mentor Program by clicking here. ⬅️
John-Tyler Markette is Causeway’s West Hartford director (and who, as you can see below, was recently a guest on The Tamron Hall Show, sharing tips for parenting with compassion).
John explains that mentors work side by side with clients: attending job interviews, going to the gym, or trying out pro-social events. According to him, that’s where the real change happens — especially when parents cheer them on.
“We see an uptick in confidence when parents are supportive,” says John. “If a guy is going to the gym with a mentor or applying for jobs, and his parents acknowledge that effort, it matters. That encouragement goes a long way.”
Nicole agrees. “When the family is aligned, young men make more progress.”
It’s Not Too Late to Make a Plan
June might feel “too late” to build a meaningful summer plan but at Causeway, that’s just not true.
“We onboard most of our summer clients into the first few weeks of June,” says Stephan. “If you haven’t figured it all out yet, that’s okay. That’s what we’re here for.”
Whether your son is starting high school or returning from college, Causeway Collaborative can help you co-create a summer that’s structured, supportive, and successful — for everyone in the house.
🌴Cheat Sheet: Advice for a Smoother Summer
Here are Causeway Collaborative’s top tips for families to keep in mind as summer gets underway:
- Set expectations early and clearly. Have those conversations now, BEFORE your son has spent two weeks sleeping until noon. Make expectations known before they become points of conflict.
- Pick your battles. Is your son not showering every day? That might’ve been happening at college, too, you simply didn’t know it. Focus on what’s truly non-negotiable for household harmony — and let go of the rest.
- Support the process, not just the outcome. Whether it’s a job interview or just showing up, give your son credit. Being his cheerleader builds trust and motivation.
Reach out to our team for the support your family needs, and book your appointment here.